Thank you, Covid
for giving me my dark night …
A dark night, may appear, paradoxically, as a way to return to living. It pares life down to its essentials and helps you get a new start.
- Thomas Moore
Within our lifetime, we have cycles of death and rebirth. This lifecycle is annually evident in nature where a resurrection from winter begets spring. The cycle is also a core observance in yoga known as Tapas, where through self-discipline you burn away impurities physically, mentally, and emotionally, to pave the way to your greatness. Think of Tapas as that little flame within you that motivates you and keeps you on track with anything of importance in life.
My getting Covid-19 was the catalyst for not only a death and rebirth, but was the match that ignited the flames to burn away what I no longer needed.
The months leading up to my testing positive for Covid-19 felt like I was on a metaphoric hamster wheel. I was moving at a pace that felt unsustainable, but I kept going, seamlessly transitioning through all my roles and responsibilities and at times taking on more despite feeling full. Even mindfully carving out time for my self-care didn’t feel like enough of a reprieve. And then one-day, just like that, I was forced off the hamster wheel. Thank you, Covid.
The virus flattened me for five straight days, not to mention the days leading up to testing positive and the days that followed. I am still feeling the physical side effects, such as dulled taste and smell and a nagging dry cough. Looking back there were signs I was falling ill, but not once did I suspect I had the virus. I thought it was the pace of my life and the pre-holiday hustle and bustle. Once I knew what was behind the deep fatigue and exhaustion, it all made sense and I completely surrendered to what was coming my way.
I welcomed my isolation. I set myself up to keep my mind calm with tools such as an oximeter, nourishing reading, supportive friends and family who all continued to check in daily, even several times a day. They offered not only recommendations of what shows to stream, but also to go deep with me into heart-centered conversations that are not possible because time never stood still long enough. In my isolation, I felt more connected than ever to my tribe, and I saw with clarity what true friendship and love look like. I learned that nourishing conversation is something that I have been missing in my life; texting is ok and gets the job done but not the same as hearing and feeling the pitch and timbre of a dear friend’s voice. Thank you, Covid.
The first few days of isolation came with crushing body ache, fever, and chills. I treated some of this by soaking in Epsom salt baths and taking Tylenol, but mostly used breath work and visualization to be with the discomfort and go deeper into what it was there to tell me. One night, I recall waking up to what felt like a technicolor dream of pain throughout my body. I conjured a miniature version of myself journeying into my own body to witness the colors and textures of the ache. I imagined myself as a surfer riding the waves of discomfort and moved with it to each part of my body as it called me where I would find a pool of pain bubbles expand and effervesce releasing the tension.
Instead of running from the pain, I leaned in and humbly listened to what it had to say. Instead of thinking of the discomfort as a symptom or problem, I welcomed it as an experience … the same way I experience any other emotion. I allowed it to come and then go honoring it as it made its way through me. I was grateful to practice what I teach and validate what I often say— the only way out is through.
Shifting challenges into gifts and opportunities is a reframing approach that I embody, and having Covid was no exception. I began making a “Thank You, Covid” list early on in my isolation. My list has 64 items on it and each one grew from a seed planted during my Covid isolation. My time of rest and recovery gave me a complete reboot and reset across all areas of my life. The isolation gave me the gift of deep self-reflection, a renewed sense of purpose, a shedding of what no longer feels aligned, and a deepened gratitude for what I already have.
I believe there was a divine timing to the arrival of my virus. On the heels of a full moon which symbolizes shedding and letting go, during the Winter Solstice which is an ideal time to honor stillness and embrace self-reflection on who you are and where you’d like to go, and finally, with the impending new calendar year in sight. I am profoundly grateful for my Covid experience—I closed out 2021 and brought in 2022 with clarity and insight that I would not have had if I was still on that hamster wheel. Thank you, Covid, for birthing me into 2022.
A few powerful questions that I asked myself and have been offering my clients as they move into 2022:
What behaviors no longer serve me or are holding me back in my life?
Who in my life is energizing and who is depleting?
How can I best cleanse and release unhelpful energies, thoughts, beliefs, patterns, and behaviors?
Who is the person I want to be?
I would love to hear how you are in 2022—what you are ready to release and what you want to bring with you going forward.