Paula’s burnout story
When someone hits your internal “OFF” switch and you can’t switch it back ON
Paula came to me feeling numb. As an executive, wife, and mother to a nine-year-old daughter, she was in desperate need of work-life balance.
So she’d reached for the things most people do - working with a therapist, executive coach, doing yoga, and even checked in to Canyon Ranch for a four-day retreat. But her attempts felt futile. They never got to the root cause of her suffering. Paula hit a new low. That’s when she came to me.
Paula felt like she was losing her mind
“It’s like someone hit my internal “OFF” switch and I don’t know how to turn it back ON,” she said.
“When people speak to me, their words just don’t land.” Not feeling anything was scary and lonely for Paula. This normally successful woman felt completely lost. She was in deep burnout.
Burnout: Not just a workplace thing
Often when we think of burnout as being tied to the workplace. Yet it exists beyond the nine to five grind. Whether you’re a high-functioning executive like Paula, or a primary caregiver of children, elder parents, or both, burnout is real. A compounding factor for women is that we suffer from human giver syndrome
Burnout has been a destination I have visited more times than I would have liked. I am so grateful for the term ‘human giver syndrome’, because it captured the essence of what I have experienced and seen in so many of the women I support. “Human Giver Syndrome - the contagious belief that you have a moral obligation to give every drop of your humanity in support of others, no matter the cost to you - thrives in the patriarchy, the way mold thrives in damp basements.” ― Emily Nagoski PhD
Burnout is the destination you reach after overriding yourself and pushing past your threshold repeatedly, without the resources to support you.
The signs and symptoms are subtle at first. They include fatigue, overwhelm, a tendency to numb with substances. Health and emotional issues may arise from cortisol (the stress hormone), and life often feels flat and gray. If not addressed, ultimately symptoms worsen and you may feel devoid of joy, motivation, optimism, and energy. Your ability to care, rationalize, and connect with others is lost. It may feel as if you’re sinking into a chasm of dark, cold, isolated hopelessness.
How Long Does Burnout Last?
Recovery can take three months to a year. It depends on your level of emotional exhaustion and physical fatigue. The only way out of burnout is to go through it and return to safety.
How Paula Went From Burnout To Breakthrough
A Nervous System Reboot
When we’re in burnout, our nervous systems are usually a little frazzled. We worked to regulate Paula’s nervous system through instilling a regiment of breath work, daily meditation, getting out into nature, and dancing. Yes, dancing and embodiment were integral in her healing journey! (Recovery from burnout can be fun!)
Those sneaky saboteurs
Our inner saboteurs work very hard to keep us from being healthy and happy. Paula’s were perfectionism, hyper-achieving, and people pleasing.
External factors
We all have external factors that impact how we’re feeling internally. For Paula, this included her routine, as well as her workplace dynamics and hierarchy. We also looked at her relationships, both professional and personal.
Digging into those inner resources
Yes, we all have external factors beyond our control. But our inner resources are there to support us when those things we can’t control are thrown our way. We began with setting clear boundaries, looking at where Paula was able to let go of perfectionism, delegate to her team and others, and get to the root cause of her hyper-achieving and self-worth. We also worked on completing her stress cycle.
“Wellness is the freedom to move fluidly through the cycles of being human. Wellness is thus not a state of being, it is a state of action” – Emily Nagoski, Ph.D.+ Amelia Nagoski, DMA
Completing the stress cycle
Our stress response is activated when we face a threat or stressor and we either fight, flight, or flee. The classic example is running away from a saber tooth tiger and if you escape, you have a chance to recover. You take some deep breaths, recalibrate, realize that there is no longer an imminent threat, hug your loved one and the stress cycle is complete. Getting away from the tiger was only part of completing the stress cycle, it is the connection to your loved one and the breath that released the stress from your body.
Feeling her way back through laughter, community - and self-love
Paula’s first step back to feeling again was through connection to community. She rekindled contact with friends and loved ones she’d lost touch with, as well as reconnecting and finding intimacy with her husband.
She began to spend time with her daughter, painting and then gardening in the warmer months.
She used her hands and found activities that brought deep presence and creativity forward. Life had gotten so serious and intense that laughter was something she leaned into as well.
And she learned to love herself. When we stop treating ourselves with the same love and devotion, we would someone we deeply love, we find ourselves disconnected and lost out in the sea of burnout.
I remind women of their purpose, their birthright to feel and embody pleasure, and to find balance in their full lives. Coming back from burnout is not easy but over time we become more resilient and understand how to not go there. If you are feeling exhausted, burned out, and ready for change let’s talk!